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Im so bad in everything. Tell me, where did i go wrong anw? Why the right thing feels all wrong? WHY?

rn..

Cant put the blame on him cz its my choice to stay at his home. Thought that i can spend a lot of time and get back to the normal way we used to be.. but idk.. still hoping.. lot of things going thru my mind. Positive and negative, wish i can stop it. Just hope this will end with good things when i get home. Just hope he will back to way he used to be. That sweet, romantic, loyal and ofc fucking cute boyfriend.. i swear i really missed the old him. Its all happened after... idk i thought wanna clear up all my ss photos in my phone and laptop but darn its truly hurts.. every lil and silly things we used to do and laugh, words.. long text messages to make each other feel loved, respect, love.... its fading.. wish i can turn back time just to have him back.. just so you kno, no matter what i do, he will never kno that i truly love him just the way he was.. i wish... and still wishing...........

what's next brah

I decided I'm done, I'm done trying to keep you in my life, struggling alone to fix this relationship, i was busting my ass to solve the root to our problems but you dont even care about it. Why should you try to win that back after i alr losing that hope to keep everything together back.. tots done fighting for your attention. I'm now trying to find the best for me. You promised me to change and try to fix things but your actions prove otherwise. How can i try to believe thet for 127272891 times? Just so you know what you allow is what will continue.. so now it's time to stop and change things. I'm done treating someone better than myself. It's true self care is totally important more than anything.. i wish I'd knewn this gonna be happen before..