Im so bad in everything. Tell me, where did i go wrong anw? Why the right thing feels all wrong? WHY?


Cant put the blame on him cz its my choice to stay at his home. Thought that i can spend a lot of time and get back to the normal way we used to be.. but idk.. still hoping.. lot of things going thru my mind. Positive and negative, wish i can stop it. Just hope this will end with good things when i get home. Just hope he will back to way he used to be. That sweet, romantic, loyal and ofc fucking cute boyfriend.. i swear i really missed the old him. Its all happened after... idk i thought wanna clear up all my ss photos in my phone and laptop but darn its truly hurts.. every lil and silly things we used to do and laugh, words.. long text messages to make each other feel loved, respect, love.... its fading.. wish i can turn back time just to have him back.. just so you kno, no matter what i do, he will never kno that i truly love him just the way he was.. i wish... and still wishing...........

what's next brah

I decided I'm done, I'm done trying to keep you in my life, struggling alone to fix this relationship, i was busting my ass to solve the root to our problems but you dont even care about it. Why should you try to win that back after i alr losing that hope to keep everything together back.. tots done fighting for your attention. I'm now trying to find the best for me. You promised me to change and try to fix things but your actions prove otherwise. How can i try to believe thet for 127272891 times? Just so you know what you allow is what will continue.. so now it's time to stop and change things. I'm done treating someone better than myself. It's true self care is totally important more than anything.. i wish I'd knewn this gonna be happen before.. 


I take being lied to is very offensive, theres really no worse way to disrespect me. Big or small, lies are lies tho. It just pisses me off how people do stuff to me that i would never do to them. Is it fair?

pathetic me

Should stop doing everything.. such a waste. I cant change him anyways. If he really wanna change, he will. I cant do anything bout it though. Seeking for attention... hes my boyfriend??? Is it necessary/fair for a girlfriend who trying as f as she can to be the best but he just do nothing?? I guess im nothing to you anymore..


Image result for when all things fall apart quotes

still hoping the best....

Tbh, im truly believe that everything happens for a reason. But why me?😒 Why should God choose me to face all these things that i cant even bear though. Not suprising ppl would leave me w their promises and comfort me w lies while im trying my fucking best to trust and appreciate them.. Fucking hate this. It is damn sucks ykno. Alr tried alot of things to make everything better, and when everything is doing fine, then its all crashes again? For how many times i shd face this?? 😑😞 
And guess what, if ill do nothing for this, he wont do anything too.. ITS EGO! 
Totally, worst part is i want to stop trying and put all the broken pieces all back together again, but i have to.......😣


What kind of feelings is this tho...................................... feel like wanna let go everything and dont evem want give a damn shit abt anything, but sometimes nooOooOOooT?! f this. Im too tired to face this for second time. (is it second one?) Totally, these two weeks hve been brutal for me. ONLY ME FEEL THAT!!!!!!!!!! YOURE NOT!!!! CZ YOURE GETTIN USED TO IT YOUVE BEEN THERE BEFORE SO WTF SHD I CARE?!!! IM SO STRESSED< DEPRESSED AND FUCKED UP W EVERYTHING THATS RELATED TO YOU TO US ISH

Keep wondering how it will be...

Time flies so fast indeed, didnt notice its almost 8 months with youπŸ’–πŸ’• But still, cant get enuf time with you, still wishing there were extra hours in a day.. Cant deny its the best moment ever in my life.. Do all kind of stuff; laughing at funny & not-so-funny stories, jokes, go to anywhere i'd mentioned or you and theres still alot of places we need to explore, and everything the stuff is we did togetherπŸ‘« I feel like i love you too much, there are million things i do love about you even trillion things i hate and kinda annoyed with you but its okay, as long as i can see the way you smile, the way you look me in the eyes, the way you laugh at my clumsy ways(?)😐, the way you say something good😏 (used to holding back from swooning bcz sometimes your sweet talk was too good to be trueπŸ˜‚) and babe i just get the greatest feeling when i kno my company makes you happy, make you be able to do anything like im yr strength.. thats really makes me wanna spend the rest of my life with you. The truth is im kinda scared when things isnt the same as we spent day and night together like were used toπŸ˜–πŸ˜’ I wish time will fly faster when youre not around. Goodbye love❤...

When everythings wrong, we move along..

Know how its feel when everything is going wrong. Like ykno, at the beginning, everythings fine, its all happy and perfect. But then, something just came up and all you fell is shit. Its all gone to shit.. This is sad..πŸ˜’πŸ’” All i can do is fucking cried.. to make myself better. and yes its getting worse to think, imagine and not wonder abt it. Lifes suck but cant stop myself to overthink and comparing me with everything shits.. why that happnd at the inappropriate timing though? Great....😞